How different types of Uber drivers I met helped me deal with all kinds of people
This afternoon when I was getting back after meeting a friend in an Uber, my driver was constantly talking about the different routes he could take to drop me home. I was slowly getting frustrated, but replied to all his route-queries patiently.
It’s been almost a year since I began using Uber on a daily basis. I’ve been dissed for being the maximum contributor to Uber’s revenue, been scorned at for not shifting closer to office, I’ve even received shocked reactions from people who ask me where I live and how I commute every day. I spend about 400 bucks each day, to and fro (inclusive of surge). We work roughly 22 or 23 days a month. That’s about 10k a month.
Riding in an Uber each day has given me an insight into the kinds of people out there and how I had to deal with them. I use Uber for all kinds of commute within the city. So, everyday encounters with drivers had become normal to me and being in India, some driver stories and types tend to surprise you.
During this particular ride, I started making a mental note of all the types of drivers I had met until then. I immediately decided to give them names and describe them. Of course there are more and I’m yet to meet all the types there is. I’d like to keep adding to this list, for after all, I’m not going to be shifting near office any time soon!
Bickering Bob
Bob keeps complaining — from the time you board the car, till the time you get out, he always has a list of things he cribs about. The weather, the roads, the traffic, the kind of money he makes via Uber, the customers he picks up, the area he lives, the politics (if there’s an election going on, you’re done for), his (long) working hours and sometimes, even about the Uber Driver app, for it seems to be crashing only for him. I sit and listen to all of this, patiently and smile, much to his chagrin.
Lesson learnt: Politics shape the world. Smiling is never enough.
Creepy Craig
Craig looks creepy at first. But even after you dismiss it, he acts creepily enough to prove you right. He won’t utter a single word but will ask you to remove your destination. He’ll go by a different route and tell you that the map is showing him that route and he’s expected to follow the map — he’ll keep checking you out from the mirror atop his head. He’ll force you to agree with him. You end up getting out halfway because you’re way too scared to proceed with the trip. You give him a single star and report him. End of story.
Lesson Learnt: Men are creepy.
Educated Eric a.k.a. Know-it-all Knowle
Eric / Knowle knows politics, discusses football matches in great detail, about the on-going India-England Test Match and surprises you when he tells you he was disappointed with Modi’s demonetization move and was deeply touched by Obama’s thank you article on Medium. He listens to Man ki baat and knows the lyrics of all the songs from your favourite band, by-heart. You sit there, stunned for the lack of general knowledge you seem to possess. He even tells you about Uber hacks! (No, Uber, do NOT hound me now :D) What’s more, he knows every protest that goes on in the city — in every nook and cranny, so he can avoid those routes. His favourite football team is Chelsea. You get out of the car with mixed emotions — both of shame and pride.
Lesson learnt: Prune your general knowledge.
Finicky Fred
As soon as you enter the car, Fred throws some instructions at you, because, well, he’s finicky. ‘Don’t bang the door, don’t brush your hair (no, I didn’t do this, this was as soon as I got in!), do not open the window, do not lock the door, let me drive the way I want to, do not receive phone calls (apparently it distracts him) and sorry ma’am, no music’. What the hell! Why do you have to listen to his BS just before getting to work on a Monday morning? You are annoyed and do not stop the urge to give him a piece of your mind. (I once told Fred to look for a different job since being an Uber driver requires patience and amiability, both of which he clearly lacks).
Lesson learnt: Don’t be finicky, for it’s sure to limit one’s scope.
Lost Larry
Be wary of Larry, for as soon as he gets a pick up allotted, he wouldn’t care to use the map to come pick you up. He’d insist on calling. Once he calls, he’d ask you to describe which street your are at, the route, the door number and description of your house. After you put your phone down and just when you think he’s being doubly sure about his pick up, you see him driving in exactly the opposite direction and have to cancel. Oh dear!
Lesson learnt: Learn to evolve with technology.
On-the-lookout Oliver
Oliver makes great conversations with you, plays the right kind of music and makes you feel good — very similar to a wonderful date, except for the fact that Oliver is the owner of a bootstrap or trying to write his next song or on his way to make his own film. He talks to you about world cinema, worm holes and karma. You take his card when he offers it to you. By the time you get out, you’ve already put him on to your friend who’s a producer in the film industry. An hour after, it’s too late to realise that all of this was part of his elevator pitch.
Lesson learnt: Being an opportunist is the better than being a wayward wastrel.
Proud Patrick
This kind is passionate, proud about the fact that he drives for Uber and also very sincere. The only problem is, he makes sure you know that he’s extremely proud about the job he does. He tells you how awesome Uber is, the kind of perks he gets, the people he gets to meet, stories of how he convinced his driver friends to start driving for Uber, how he grew in life after Uber came in and the like. Sometimes, if he’s the owner, he’d ensure you knew how many cars he owns and how many drivers work for him. The only problem is, he doesn’t shut up.
Lesson learnt: Be proud of how far you’ve come but be aware of people around you.
Quarrelsome Quinn
Quinn has an irritating demeanour and picks up a fight with you even for the smallest of things like taking a particular shortcut to evade traffic, asking him to drive slowly or asking him if he’s started the trip or not. If nothing else, telling him to drop you off inside your office building is sure to piss him off. Even otherwise, he seems to be pissed at the world for no apparent reason whatsoever. And people ask you why you’re irritable the whole day — interesting much?
Lesson learnt: Spending time on inane things makes us sad.
Rich Richie
Richie is educated, has travelled the world, wears branded clothing and an expensive watch. He even wears Tommy Hilfiger sunglasses and puts your dress sense to shame. Guess what, his car is supremely furnished and makes you feel like you don’t belong there. He talks very little and attends a few phone calls to tell them that he’s driving and he’d return the call once he’s done dropping me. You just get off the car wishing you knew which brand of shoes he was wearing!
Lesson learnt: Nothing much.
Silent Sam
He doesn’t call you even after reaching the pick-up point. He doesn’t reply when you talk to him — you NEVER get to know if he’s in agreement with you or not. He’s silent the whole damned time making you wonder if you’re talking to the doors and dashboard, the window and windshield. He drops you off at your destination and drives away, without a word. This is another kind of frustrating, for you’re on constant guesswork the whole time!
Lesson learnt: Make yourself heard. What you think matters, always.
Wonderful Will
Will reaches the pick-up point on time. Calls you up to let you know he’s downstairs. Picks you up, listens to the route you suggest, takes that route and drops you safe. He even asks if he can turn on the stereo and the kind of music you’d prefer to listen. Will doesn’t drive rashly and makes sure he drops you INSIDE your office building. He returns your ‘thank you’ with another ‘thank you’ and drives away. Now, Wills are what Uber needs. Five star drivers.
Lesson learnt: Be wonderful. :)
On the flip side, if not for Uber, everyday commute to work would have been a brain-frying process for me. Thank you, Uber for that!
If you liked this and think this is relatable, feel free to tap the green 💚 at the end of this post. :) Thanks guys!
PS: Travis Kalanick, you need to check this.
